7 Types of Players You Will Find in EVERY Men’s League (Part 2)

Since everyone loved the first post. Here’s part 2!

The Hanger:

This is the bro that doesn’t give a fuck if your team wins or not as long as he scores a goal. You can find this fairy prancing along the far blue line waiting on someone to throw him a hail marry. Don’t expect this guy to play a lick of defense, it’s not gonna happen. He’s here to score as many goals as possible so he can spend the night jerking it to his stat sheet.

The Due Dodger:

This is the bro that never pays to play. Every week it’s another excuse. “I’ll have the money when I get paid next week bro”, “Dude, I left my wallet in my car, I’ll run and grab the cash right after the game I promise.” (promptly vanishes without a trace immediately after the game). The best part about this dude is that he never and I mean NEVER misses a game. He’s just out there free skating (literally) like it ain’t no thang.

The Tape Rats

Every team has one or two tap rats. You know the type. “Anyone have any tape?? No?…Ok, guess I’ll use my own.” This bro can dish out $40 a game but can’t go to the front desk and buy a $3 roll of tape. The second he hears you taping up your shins this fucker is sniffing around you like some drug addict trying to get a fix.

The Boozer:

This is the guy that can’t wait until after the game. He’s polishing off a 30-rack in the locker room and hungover half way through the second period. Things can get weird for your team if your boozer is your goalie. Alcohol and stopping pucks don’t mix and you will find that out real quick.

The Shit Brick:

This is the dude that NEVER washes his gear. Every week he comes into the locker room with his raunchy ass gear smelling worse than it did last game. You can find this guy crop dusting the rink with his sweaty, wet, stain covered jersey. At least air it out bro!

Silent Bob:

Silent Bob is that friend of a friend that plays on your team. He just keeps to himself and lets his friend that actually knows everybody do the talking. He comes, he pays, he plays, he leaves, repeat. You probably don’t even know this dude’s name and you’re okay with it because you NEVER see him outside the rink. He’s a phantom.

Mr. Hollywood:

This is the dude that invites everyone from his wife and kids to the neighbor’s dog to come and watch him play some men’s league puck. Whenever this guy touches the puck you know it because he has his very own cheering section filling up 10% of the empty bleachers. It’s even more annoying if this dude sucks too.

Missed Part 1? Well, here it is: 7 Types of Player You Will Find in EVERY Men’s League (Part 1)


8 thoughts on “7 Types of Players You Will Find in EVERY Men’s League (Part 2)

  1. Pingback: HIGH ACTION HOCKEY | 7 Types of Players You Will Find in EVERY Men’s League

  2. The tape rat usually uses your tape to do his pants too. You give him a brand new roll of Tape and he gives you back the cardboard.

  3. the tape rat promises to get you a new roll… and never does

  4. What about “Dick Dangler”? They guy that walks around the locker room before and after the game with his dick dangling. Hips pushed out for all to see! Put that shit away bro man. No Homo!

  5. we actually give out awards on our team after every season that go along these titles. its all for fun but we have one that you missed, they are rare but we call this player the sasquatch. the guy that pays all his money and never shows up. nobody know his name we dont know if he sucks, but we dont care because he knocks our team total down.

  6. Pingback: HIGH ACTION HOCKEY | 6 Reasons Your Girl Hates Men’s League

  7. Haha our goalie happens to be the boozer and the shit brick. On top of that hes legally blind in one eye, terribly out of shape, and has a bad knee. Still gloves pucks from the air.

  8. We’re Americans. Thats why settle Everything thru violence!! Thats what hockey is all about. Women love ass-kickers not ass-kickees. We women will wait to see who beats the shit out of the other guy and makes him bleed, then have sex on our knees with the winner. It makes us wet to see a guy face down on the ice bleeding so we can laugh at him and call him a pussy while while were servicing the other guy.

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